Talking Dog Joke

Ok, so there's this guy... We'll call him Steve. Steve's wandering around suburbia bored out of his mind. He comes to this garage sale being run by a guy smoking a cigarette and reading a newspaper. There's a whole lot of junk that Steve isn't interested in, but then he sees a sign that says "Talking dog for sale, 10 dollars".

Steve's first thought is that the guy running the garage sale is putting him on, but his curiosity gets the better of him, so he walks up to the guy and says, "You've got a talking dog for sale?"

The guy says, "Yup. He's around back."

Steve is beside himself, but he figures that since he's not really got anything to do that afternoon, he might as well see the dog for himself. He's half expecting the dog to point to a tree and say "Bark", but he figures what the heck.

He goes around the side of the house and sees an old dog lying on his belly. The dog looks up at him.

Steve, already feeling like an idiot, looks around to make sure nobody's listening, and says, "So you're a talking dog?"

"That's right," the dog says.

Steve almost jumps out of his shoes. "What the-? How did this happen?!"

The dog sighs, and says, "Well, it's a long story. You sure you want to hear it?"

Steve says sarcastically, "Well, let me think about tha- YES. YES I want to hear it."

The dog nods. "Alright. Well, back when I was a puppy I was living in a box outside of a restaurant with my mother and five brothers and sisters. One night there was a lightning storm, and lightning struck a nearby telephone poll that landed right near us, and my mother and siblings were all electrocuted and died, but I survived, and the next day as I walked around I found myself with a curious ability... I could suddenly understand what people were saying.

"So I was hungry, and I went to the park because I saw some people there having a picnic. This one kid was there eating a sandwich by himself, and I went up and said hello and talked to him. It turns out that he was a lonely kid with an incurable disease having a day trip away from the hospital. We talked together for a long time, and I became his companion, and every day we would meet at the park to talk and play. As it happened, he began to get better. The doctors didn't know what to make of it, but the kid told them that my friendship had boosted his spirits, and they were even about to put a story in the newspaper about how a talking dog had befriended a kid and helped him get over his terminal condition.

"The story never ran, though, because the day after the reporter's interview, two Secret Service agents came by the hospital and took me away. I suppose I should have tried to escape but the kid seemed alright, and I was curious about what they wanted from me. Well, what they did was put me into a special training course where I was able to learn six different languages, and at the end of it I was used as a security dog at airports, where I would walk around pretending to be a guide dog, and I'd listen in on suspicious people who were talking together. I actually managed to break up three different terrorist attacks before they occurred just by listening in on groups of people who didn't notice me.

"Later on, though, they decided that I needed to be brought into more important missions, and at one point I went deep under cover in Afghanistan. One reconnaisance mission involved getting close to a suspected Taliban hideout in order to figure out their military strategies. The mission unfortunately went bad -- I was discovered trying to steal plans. I had to call for backup, and the troops came in to save me. The operation was a bit of a success because the group was captured and some key information was obtained, but in the process I was actually shot in the leg. It's alright now but not strong enough for active duty, so after getting a commendation I was sent out to live the rest of my life in obscurity and comfort."

Steve's jaw has been open the entire time. He stares at the dog in total silence for a few seconds after the story is over, and then says, "Hold on a sec, will you?"

"Sure," the dog says.

He runs around front to the guy running the garage sale and says, "That's a talking dog!"

"Yup," the guy says.

"And you're selling him for only 10 bucks?" Steve asks.

"That's right," the guy says.

Steve's fishing for his wallet when he pauses and asks, "Why are you selling him for so cheap?"

The guy answers, "Because he's such a fucking liar."